No One is Perfect

Continuing from yesterdays post.. Life is not all flowers! Don't think I am always happy and strong..cause I'm not! :) And I'm going to prove it to you right about now. I try as hard as I can to stay positive and happy and think of my blessings through all this crap. Yeah, that's right, it's a bunch of crap if ya ask me! And that's my nice way of putting it. :) Some days are just down right hard. Awful. Others are great! Mom may have mentioned already about the steroids they use during surgery (not sure?) but, they have depressants in them. I still have those depressants in me now. I am advised not to watch sad movies, listen to sad music etc. because it will heighten those emotions. So when I hurt, worry about after surgery risks, or am sad.. I get depressed. It takes a deep dive real quick. It's weird. Can't really control it. Makes a bad day worse. I cry and it's almost like its the end of the world. I think to myself "how in the heck am I ever going to get through the next 8 weeks??". One day at a time..one day at a time. That's all I can handle right now. I so hate the routine of everything I have to do. My jaw is now starting to become sore a lot more from the exercises to stretch it. And, like my mom mentioned before, I'd honestly rather not eat! It's a blessing and a curse. But I am force feeding every day. Strange, so strange for me- because if you know me well, you know I LOOOVE me some food! I think my spirit is a fat spirit because I am obsessed with food. Or so I thought. Haha, not so much now. But up until this point food controlled my life. It was the last thing I thought about before falling asleep and the first thing I thought about when I woke up. No joke.

Below I've got some serious pics. PLEASE BEWARE. Some of these are nasty! Don't say I didn't warn you...

the only 6:30 I see is pm.. not on March 20!

walking into the hospital

chillin'

relaxin'

Dr Arnett- best surgeon in the world yes sir

GO TIME

BEWARE!

BRACE YOURSELF..

VIEWER DISCRETION IS ADVISED!

THIS IS NOT FOR THE FAINT OF HEART..

yup.. a bib for my blood..classy

suctioning out the blood. notice how he keeps his distance? I've been known to cough up blood with a flying distance of 5 or 6 feet.. go me

check out those angelina jolie lips :D

who is that?

That, I assure you, is not what I prefer for a day of fun. And if a nurse ever tells you they have to spray Afrin up your nose- RUN!!!! Run until your lungs collapse. I think I'd rather take a lesson from a sword swallower. So you see? We are all in this messed up, beautiful, awful wonderful world together! And no one, no matter how it seems, is perfectly happy, positive, strong and holding it together 100% of the time. But I sure can try!! Because that is my goal in life! As for now, the secret is to post on my good days! :) Now you know.

I still want to thank you for all your comments of strength, motivation, well wishes and prayers!!!! You cant even imagine how much they continue to help me get through this!!!

Cheers to a good day! 

Until we meet again..