Catching Up..

RECAP SINCE JULY 2014 (or at least the things I can remember):

• Working like a wild chicken
• Took a new position with more responsibility and not enough hours in the day to finish everything
• Stayed late 90% of the time
• Still doing hair after work, making for long days coming home close to 11pm and short nights returning to work at 7-8am
• Not a free minute to pick my nose or have a thought in my head
• Got my hook and screw out of my gums! That was interesting
• Tyson and I FINALLY bought a house!! Our very own private place to live (hard work pays off)
• Renovated the house to our likings and moved in 3 months later to what felt like a brand new home due to the changes. I feel so spoiled and could not be happier with our home!
• We got a new puppy! We have one dog, Teeka, who is almost 7 and we adore her. She is our child. Teeka is a Schipperkee mix and new pup is a Pomeranian. I am obsessed with her
• We decided to build a salon in our basement
• I started working part time- the stress of overworking myself was getting to me and I really wanted to get the salon going in the basement so I could spend more time doing what I love- hair!
• Salon is currently on hold (more on that later)
• Dr A formulated a plan to wean off meds!!!!!! I have LONGED for this day for over 2 years!!
• Due to getting sick and not taking my meds, I weaned off a little faster and was done with meds a little sooner than planned. The result........   

   

WE'RE FINALLY PREGNANT!!!!!!

This news is the most amazing news I've ever had!! I took 5 pregnancy tests because I couldn't believe it. I waited 5 days to tell Tyson, because father's day was right around the corner and well, duh, I just had to tell him on father's day. He couldn't believe I could hold it from him that long. This pregnancy has been the easiest, most fun and empowering, and most enjoyable thing I have ever gone through. I am so blessed with the ability to be able to become pregnant and grow a healthy baby, but also to have an amazing pregnancy. Literally. No morning sickness. No cravings. In fact, up until my last month, I didn't even want or care for sweets. No smells or things that make me sick or never want to eat/touch again. It's literally been normal life with a growing belly. Smooth sailing. I LOVE being pregnant! I love my pregnant body. I don't even care that my face broke out like crazy and was completely uncontrollable for awhile, because I'VE GOT A BABY IN MY BELLY!!

I've loved learning and educating myself on all things pregnancy, birth, baby, breastfeeding, etc. Knowledge is key! Between learning so much and taking my Hypnobabies classes, I am so ready and excited to BIRTH my baby. Not just meet my baby and to finally have a baby, but the actual birth process. It used to scare me to death! It was my number one fear. And that was going through a hospital with an epidural to numb everything. Now I am completely taking the other route. I am planning a natural, unmedicated water birth. My coping mechanism is hypnosis, hence, the 'Hypnobabies' method I mentioned above. I have REALLY enjoyed my hypnobabies classes. It is the perfect choice for me! I am a firm believer in 'mind over matter' so putting myself in a state of hypnosis works for me. It's definitely not for everyone. However, hypnosis is more common than you think. We have all been in a state of hypnosis many times in our lives. For example: You know when you are driving somewhere, you reach your destination and all of a sudden realize you didn't "see" the road on your way there? You think, I do not remember the drive, the turns, did I run any reds or stop signs? You were so deep in thought, your mind was completely somewhere else, yet you were still present enough to reach your destination safely.. Ta Da! Hypnosis. Hypnosis is NOT what you see on TV and at comedy shows where people volunteer to come up on stage and are 'controlled' by someone else. Definitely not the same type of hypnotic reaction. Hynobabies is a method that teaches you to relax into a state of calm hypnosis on your own. You are in control and you come out of your hypnosis whenever you please. You are able to have your eyes open, walk around to change positions during labor, talk, snack/drink, whatever you need to do to stay calm, relaxed and comfortable during your birthing time. There are scripts that I practice every day to train my mind. It's so calming and relaxing, it even relaxes my dogs to sleep. No joke :)

So about the babe..
We decided not to find out the gender. We were undecided for a bit, but thought the idea of not finding out sounded fun. A few days before the 20 week ultra sound, Ty was anxious and really wanted to find out the sex. So we decided we'd find out and do a gender reveal party. Baby had other plans. Babe's legs were closed together with the umbilical chord running between them the entire hour of our appointment. We tried everything to get baby to move with no luck. So our decision was final. We decided not to find out. The news was killing our family and some of them said they would pay for us to get another ultra sound just to find out. Some thought we were lying and had found out but we're keeping it a secret. Nope. We really want it to be a surprise!

Again, I'm getting WAY behind on my blog posts as life continues without drs controlling it. So I just forget to update. And let me tell you, pregnancy brain is REAL people. I totally thought it was a lame excuse.. until now. I always thought "how can growing a baby in your STOMACH(uterus), affect your BRAIN?!" Ooh but it does! I don't know how or why and can't explain it to you, but growing a human in your body is a SERIOUS ORDEAL. The body is on over-drive, over-stimulation, over-compensating, over-working in all manners, that I can see how the brain just slows down and forgets things. I was quite surprised at how many things I completely forgot. I literally forgot, for a moment, who one of my coworkers was, who I worked with for over a year and a half! And he wasn't just a coworker who was 'there'.. we interacted and joked around daily. Whoops. 
So my point was that this post was supposed to be posted quite some time ago. More specifically about a year ago. Double whoops. 

On that note, baby is a GIRL!!! And she just turned one! ONE! She is absolutely, positively, without a doubt, the greatest, funnest, cutest, best and most amazing baby!! There are no words to describe how WONDERFUL (and hard) being a mom is. It is by far the greatest thing I have ever done in my life!!! I am loving every minute of being her mom. We named her Saeda. Pronounced "say-duh". I'll post pics of her below, but if you're interested in following my life and what it's like with no more drs and a baby, you can look me up on Instagram (@lanaleemehl) or Facebook (Lana Lee Mehlhoff). With that being said, March of this year, 2017, marked FOUR YEARS post-op!! Holy moly. And just a few months ago, I visited Dr Arnett's office for the LAST TIME! Back in January, January 17th to be exact, I graduated to real life! I was told everything looks great and I do not need to make another appointment. FINALLY. I'M FREEE!!! My life is my own again.. no. Lie. My life belongs to my baby girl. And I wouldn't have it any other way. 

And The Journey Continues

So I just realized that I wrote this post in July... 2014.. and never posted it. Hah! Whoops! Well, here it is. Pretend it's July 2014 as you read it:

     I recently started a new job. I have been so busy with this job that I completely forgot to celebrate my one year mark! (Surgery was March 2013) ONE YEAR GUYS! I am one year PAST surgery. One year post-op. Actually, it's about a year and 3 months! I can't believe I didn't celebrate. Call me a diva but after this massive battle, a year post op anniversary calls for celebration!! It's so amazing to be on this end. The end of NOT continually waiting for the never approaching surgery date! I can't believe it. My life no longer revolves around fights with insurances, continuous ulcers, unbearable pain and lost self confidence, scheduling and re-scheduling my surgery date, the worst migraines, back pain, restless sleep due to chronic back and neck pain. Rather, my life revolves around stabilizing meds, banding my mouth shut each night, loving what I see in the mirror with a new found confidence, no pain, sleeping better, no migraines whatsoever, being able to bite and still thinking insurances are retarded. What the heck am I paying you for if you won't help me in a major time of need, with my own money none the less, that I have paid you over the years? It just doesn't make sense. But you know what? Whatever! We made it happen. With the help of my parents, my parents in law and Tyson on the financial end, we made it happen. And it wouldn't have been possible without them! I am forever grateful to each and every one of them. That was not an easy hand out. Mom, Dad, Trent, Diana and Tyson- THANK YOU THANK YOU A MILLION TIMES!!

So my last post I mentioned something about a scorpion. My story goes a little something like this:
On my trip home to Vegas for an ortho appnt, then on to Santa Barbara for surgeon check up, I had a 'boutique' party that same weekend. My boutique party consisted of my favorite leggings- Agnes and Dora, my favorite (super soft) tops- Indy Brand Clothing, and lots of delicious food. It's just not acceptable to host a party without food! So it's 2AM and I'm setting up for the party. I lift a furniture chair to move it back and step down on something pokey. I thought "ah! That hurt", but figured it was just something sticking out of the carpet. Before I stepped down on the same spot again, I had a feeling to look down. So I look down and what do I see? A freakin little clear scorpion with his stupid pincher curled high. Looking normal, just chillin like nothing happened. Immediately I got mad at it, then my better senses took over and I knew I needed to treat the sting. I hop over to my parents room and whisper "dad, dad.. I just stepped on a scorpion. What do I do?" In a flash, the covers are thrown from the bed and my mom and dad are next to me before I know it. Like vampire style. I swear they moved faster than Edward Cullen on his best day. They get my story and where the invader was, then mom rushes to the computer to research while dad goes to kill the scorpion.
Wash. Soap. Bleach. Oils. Ice. Elevate. That's what we did and it worked! I didn't have any issues. It hurt, itched and stung for awhile, but we jumped on it so fast that I avoided the major symptoms thank goodness. After surgery, I've had reactions to things I've never reacted to before. You just never know what's going to happen. But I tell ya what- that thing infuriated me! You don't come into MY domain, sting ME and live to tell about it. That sucker stole my peace of mind. I can no longer walk around my own home barefoot at night. Die, he must.

To date (remember we are pretending it's July 2014):

Still band my mouth shut. E v e r y. N i g h t.  = 7 Rubberbands (it's getting real old FAST! Actually, I lied- I'm way past the 'getting old point'. I'm SICK OF IT!)
I am currently stocking my own pharmacy-

6 pills for breakfast

2 pills for lunch

5 pills for dinner (I take meds like I'm a granny and my life depends on it)

Hook and screw still in my gums

Full feeling still not back in my gums or chin

Using less and less medicated blistex!

BRACES. ARE. STILL. ON. 

I do not know life without them. Family and friends don't really know me without braces, I think. I currently look like I'm pushing 18. 

Dr A added the medication Celebrex. This was due to the left side of my jaw making soft grinding noises. It was making me really nervous. It doesn't hurt, just sounds bad. So I emailed the office, he said to take Celebrex. That medication is primarily for arthritis. 

My year check up back in March went a little somethin' like this:
Dr A checks my bite. Dr A says "who's your ortho?"  Me: Spilsbury.     Dr A: "he smokes. Tell him he smokes. I've never seen a better ortho or a better bite".
"...continue on the meds. Come back in three months and if things are still looking good then, we'll see about getting the braces off".

So I returned in June. My mom came with me. We celebrated her birthday, just she and I. It was so nice to spend time with her and relaxing not having to be at work and sleep in! She and I both said to each other, "we know exactly what he is going to say. 'Looks good. Healing slow but healing well. Stay on the meds. Come back in three months and we'll see about getting the braces off.' And that is precisely what he said. Only he added, "your orthodontist smokes. Your bite is perfect. Your bite is better than my bite. Your bite is better than his bite." Well that's great news to hear! Go Dr Spils!
So next up: follow up appnt end of Sept. Hoping to get the hook and screw out for sure. Hope to start weaning off meds so I can have a dang baby!! I really want a big pregnant belly. I really want a baby. But I must be patient. I do not want to go through all this just to have it revert backward when I get pregnant or nurse. That is a risk and we need to bathe the joints in meds now so they are as stable as they can be by the time I get pregnant. As much as I want a baby, I know I need to be patient because my joints are healing properly, though slowly, and that's all I can ask for. I don't want to rush it and ruin things. I honestly can't even think about that. I just feel bad for Ty. He is sitting patiently on the sidelines waiting this all out. He wants a kid. He is ready. He didn't ask for this. I bet he pictured his life much different at this age.
Unfortunately, life doesn't go according to plan. It rarely works out the way we want it to. I just have to trust in The Lord and trust in the process.
HAPPY 4TH OF JULY EVERYONE!! Stay safe, have fun and stand up for your rights! I love America!

No pictures this time because I am a year and a half behind on posting it and already have my next post almost done. So on the next post you'll get updated pictures as well as information. A LOT has happened since July 2014.. you won't want to miss this one!  :)

Week 44

Today is another day in the life of Lana and I'll try to keep this one short!

I recently returned from Santa Barbara, California after having another post op check up with Dr. Arnett. And the verdict is:

Things are still looking GREAT!

My joints are holding their own! 

My teeth are exactly where they need to be! In fact, Dr. A says my orthodontist, Dr Spilsbury, smokes, because he has never seen a better orthodontist. Smokes as in does drugs because his work is too good. Dr A is absolutely impressed and amazed at how perfect Dr. Spils work is. Dr Spils is a perfectionist and has been SO great to work with. 

I feel like a had a big weight lifted off my shoulders after this visit. My jaw has been popping lately. That's fine with me as long as it isn't damaging. But then it started to feel slightly sore at times. I think depending on what I ate. And it would seem to have limited movement at times as well.

But after Dr A took a look at me and I asked him my tirade of questions and concerns, he wasn't concerned with it. It's common, he said, and it could go away or it may not. So for now, I feel much better and I won't worry about it.

I'll return in 6 weeks for another check up. At that appointment, Dr A will take x-rays again to see how my joints are doing. From there, he will formulate a plan. A plan guys! We are nearing the end.. ah! He will be able to tell how stable my joints are and decide how much longer I need to wear these stupid rubber bands at night, when to take off the braces and when to start weaning off my medications. Do you know what that means? DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS?!

BABIES!!

Whoop whoop! Let's pray that I can start weaning off these meds ASAP. It's time Ty and I start a family. I am already wrinkling. I already have gray hair. Correction.. Silver hair. My hair glitters guys.. be jealous.

I don't even know what life is like without braces. Seriously. That's sad.

Mom and Dad came to SB with me this round. We had a DELICIOUS lunch the day of my appointment. We ate on state street at a fabulous mexican restaurant called Sandbar.

EVERYTHING we ate there was so good. We definitely will be going back! We ate outside due to the amazing weather. It's January, does SB even believe in winter? It was like 75 degrees.

Well that's it for today. I am exhausted as I have been running around like a headless chicken the last 2 weeks. I have been working my body hard with little rest and it is starting to fight back. 

It's a boring one today, I apologize. I'll liven it up on my next post with how I stepped on a scorpion.. 

 at a friends wedding

 babes on babes

 my Tiger

 Carl

 clearly she's excited about this

 just me

 sporting my two favorite brands! indybrandclothing.com and agnesanddora.com 

softest clothes ever!! check them out and support my friends

 sisters

 sisters

 befores and afters

 friends hosting a party for Agnes and Dora and Indy Clothing

 SB has it in for our cars. nothing a little duct tape couldn't fix :)

 lunch at Sandbar

 YUP. week 44. 10 months.

Dr A's office

I'm Alive

No.. I did not die 5 months post-op. It's not really a risk so don't worry. Although I was told my heart kept stopping while healing in the hospital and the machines would start screaming every few minutes. I don't remember this bc I was knocked out on morphine. What's that I'm feeling? Pain? Nausea? Feeling at all? In any form? Push the button! Morphine me up! That was great I tell ya. I feel like I pushed that button for a rush of morphine every 10 minutes. Within seconds, relief. If only that morphine drip could follow me home and stay attached for.. oh, I don't know.. 8 weeks? Really I'd be good with the first 3 weeks. Then I'd need it only at night for the following 5. I did not sleep much AT ALL. Try laying flat on your back while not being allowed to turn to the side in the slightest for 8 whole weeks. Try it for ONE night, I bet you fail miserably. It's only natural for your body to toss and turn until it finds a comfortable position. That natural right was stripped from me and I was not happy about it. That was one of the hardest things while my new bones were so fragile, healing and growing. It gave me the worst neck ache and back ache ever, no matter what position I tried. Tyson would make me a new elevated bed each night with pillows. He was a master at that. I love him lots.

I've been absent for a couple months. There are still people out there reading my blog, whether its family and friends who want to know if healing is done with and good now or complete strangers reading for entertainment or people who are going through their own jaw surgery, or other surgery for that matter. So let me continue to tell you how progress is going for me at this point.. 5 months post-op.

• life has been basically back to normal for a couple months now
• Ive been able to exercise for about 2 months. I ran 4 miles up here in the mountains the other morning with ease! This whole 'having a full esophagus' thing is  S U P E R B
• ortho appnts are now once a month ( I drive to Vegas once a month for my appnts and I get to see ALL my family, including my 10 nieces and nephews! This makes my heart so happy)
• as of 3 weeks ago, I am now on normal "hard chew" diet! except for raw broccoli and carrots and nuts
• I am still severely allergic to Almonds (more on that later)
• chewing is still an odd sensation and a bit difficult with some foods
• I can now open my mouth 28cm- a nice jump from 22cm just three weeks ago
• my gums are still numb.. completely. makes for difficult times while eating chips. hence, I get poked all the time. the numbness is no concern, it takes anywhere from 2-12 months for feeling to come back. with that being said, my surgeon's assistant is extremely pleased with my lip emotions. she says my swelling and use of mouth is beyond average healing. yay for me!
• I do have a lot more use of emotions on my face now that the muscles are relaxing and being worked full time. not back to 100% yet, but a whole lot better
• people don't seem to have a hard time understanding me when I talk :)
• fast, short syllables are more difficult to annunciate. things like fifty-five
• I am still Syd the Sloth when I eat.. slow.. slow.. slow
• I am not messy when I eat anymore! no more tearing food like a wolf
• I. CAN. BITE.  pizza. sandwiches. tacos. burgers. you name it. I bite it. it doesn't slide right out of the middle and fall out all over the place. it's amazing!
• still working my way into hard foods. things that are hard to chew right now: steak, breaded chicken, dense crackers like wheat thins etc. I can NOT WAIT until I can eat Buffalo Wild Wings again!!! 

Apparently my body is not friends with almonds. Not too big of a deal for me because I've never liked them. The weekend before surgery (when it was scheduled for january) I had a sip, a SIP, to taste a smoothie that had some almonds in it. Thought that a sip wouldn't do any harm. The next morning I woke up early to my throat closing and a hoarse voice. We didn't figure out until later that it was from that stupid tiny sip. That stupid tiny sip caused me, Tyson and my parents a lot of stress. If you've been following my blog then you know that surgery has been pushed back multiple times. January of this year (2013) was the closest we came to keeping a surgery date, only to get to the surgeon's office, 2 days out from operation, and have him tell me he wont operate because he thought I was sick due to the closing throat, hoarse voice and lots of mucus in my sinus. We later found out I was not sick at all, it was allergies. So that begun another battle. Another time I ate almonds knowing full well I am allergic, but thinking they would be fine because they were cooked and the composition would be altered, I woke up later that night with an ever swelling, compulsively itching, rock hard nose.. which then expanded to my top lip, making it extremely difficult to sleep to say the least. hah! If only I had a picture of that. I'm sure I looked very Shrek-ish. I have what they call a delayed reaction. I think I'll steer clear of almonds. 

A few things I have learned through this process:

Our life is not our own.. not really. It is best left in the hands of The Lord. He has a plan for my life, He has a time line for my life. No matter how bad I wanted surgery to happen YEARS ago, it was just simply not my time. No matter how much I think life would have been better off getting the surgery 5 years ago when this big ordeal first came about and Drs' wanted to operate and I could have been living blissfully with a couple kids by now and my life wouldn't have been on hold for so long.. it just simply was not my time. That is what I wanted. Not The Lord. Although in my mortal mind I think life would have been better that way, Heavenly Father sees the bigger picture. There were things I needed to learn. Things I needed to experience. Things I needed to grow from and see changes. Changes I needed to make within myself. And that was the purpose of this trial. Because every trial is a learning and growing experience. But you must let it be just that. Every trial is a test of faith. When you are in your darkest times, do you give in and give up? Or do you turn to The Lord for help. The answer should always be turning to The Lord. Easier said than done. I know. I've been there. Trust me. There were times so dark and desperate I didn't think I could go on any longer. It was then that I realized that must be what it feels like for those who commit suicide. I never toyed with the idea myself. I just know the feeling. And it is unexplainable. There are no words to describe it. It comes when you hate yourself the most. The way you look. They way you are. Your attitude. Your reactions. The person you've become. You feel like you've gotten so far away from who you were and who you want to be you can't possibly see a way back. These are all feelings you keep to yourself. This is Satan slowly forcing his way into your life. Little by little, piece by piece he pushes in. "You're not pretty" "You're a loser" "You're not funny, no one likes you" "You don't have friends" "You're family doesn't love you" etc. All it takes is you believing each little phrase. And just like that, he is slowly sneaking into your mind and gaining more control. Until one day, you're just not happy. No matter what you or anyone else does. You fake it on the outside, but inside there is the emptiness and your heart physically aches. You are no longer happy because you have let your negative thoughts get the better of you and now they are taking control. You have no light. You have no spirit. Some people notice. Some do not. When those closest to you do not notice, you cry yourself to sleep every night thinking life couldn't get worse. You've allowed evil to enter your heart and mind. This is where suicide comes from. 

I wish I could tell you that was a dark depressing story I once read. Unfortunately, it is not. That was my real life experience. I hate to get so dark and emotional. And I rarely have told anyone about those moments in my life. But I am so far from that now that I can openly talk about it in certain situations. I felt like I needed to share it. Whatever. I've learned that when a thought comes into my head I act upon it. That goes back to one of my beginning posts, about an evil spirit that entered my body. That happened during these dark times. The grossest, weirdest, most depressing thing I have ever experienced. And by experiencing that, I now know how to avoid it in the future. And avoid it I will!! 

When we are suffering, it is in our darkest hour that The Lord comes to our rescue. It is only after all we can do when we are so desperate that He comes to our aid. I'm so grateful my Dad shared the bible story with me about the 4th watch. It has helped me a lot and has since become my favorite. In a nut shell- there are 4 'watches' during the night. Most biblical references to time at night are given as a reference to 1 of 4 different Watches of the Night. The starting time for the first watch is sunset- 6pm. Then the second watch at 9pm. The third at 12 midnight and the fourth watch at 3am. The Disciples were in a boat out at sea. There came a storm and things got rough and scary for them. They struggled to get to shore, stay in the boat, etc. Jesus sat on the hill and watched them struggle all night long. It was not until the 4th watch that he walked out to them to help and calm the storm. Why? Because they needed to try all they could do themselves before Jesus rescued them. We have to experience bad before we can know good. After all you can do, when you are in your deepest despair, that is when The Lord comes to rescue us. If He came in the 1st watch, we would not learn anything from our struggle. How does a baby learn things are hot? Unfortunately by getting burned, by experiencing it.

I've also learned empathy. Not sympathy. I never truly understood the difference until now. Basically when you have sympathy for someone, you feel sorry for them. If you have empathy for another, you feel for them. Sympathy= "I'm sorry you don't feel well" "That sucks"  "I'd hate to be her". Empathy is when you can share heart break. If even for a moment. Empathy for me is when I hear a strangers story on the news of losing a leg when being hit by a car and my mind imagines for a minute how awful that person must feel. How the pain they went through was probably unbearable. How shocked they must be when they find out life will never be the same. How I wish that they didn't have to suffer that and it makes me sad.

I guess I must add that my empathy only goes so far. If you come running to me and start babbling about how tired and sore you are because you stayed up way too late, didn't sleep well, worked out hard then ate too much and tripped over the curb resulting in bags under your eyes, blisters and sore muscles, bloated and painful stomach and a scratched knee..... Welllll, you're not going to get much of anything from me. No empathy nor sympathy. I may simply say to you- go to bed earlier, take a sleeping pill, don't work out too hard, don't eat too much and those curbs will get ya so watch out. Sorry. Sorry not sorry because those are all things within your control.. well I cant really help you with the curb, that's life hah! But I bet it was funny to see you trip. Lezzbehonest, it's funny when people fall. But if that's all you have to complain about, there are MILLIONS who would take those problems in a heart beat. There are millions who have problems out of their control. There are millions who have problems that aren't even fixable and have to live with it the rest of their life. That breaks my heart. I cant imagine living my entire life without getting surgery to fix my problem. Many thanks and gratitudes coming from me always, for the rest of my life, for my problem being fixable.

We all struggle. We all have a battle within ourselves at some point in our lives. There is one phrase that has summed up my journey quite perfectly I think.  Because like I said.. My life is in the hands of my Lord. I leap without thought and jump without looking, because I have learned and I know that He will ALWAYS be there to catch me.

My phrase:

Let your faith be bigger than your fear

Stay happy my friends. This life is what you make it. Your attitude is the thoughts and judgments you let creep into your mind. Look for the positive- ALWAYS. And if you want to be happy, Be.

Yes, it's that simple.

first pizza

look at that clean bite!!

sister time with my Gabs

first burger in over 150 days. it was a far stretch

yes i craved 711 nachos

Tiger's 10 yr high school reunion

lets talk about this for a moment- i hate free falls. hate them. Tiger made me go on one at Lagoon- 150 foot drop. scariest thing sitting up top waiting for that drop. when all was said and done it was actually kind of fun. this one pictured here.. 400 FOOT DROP!!! more than double the height for the one at lagoon!! bc I love him dearly, I went on it. had it been possible to poop my pants i would have shamelessly. i HATED life in that moment. when you get to the top the tower sways in the wind from side to side bc its so high. never experienced anything so terrifying in my life. i absolutely love rides and roller coasters and drops, but this- I was petrified. your stomach never catches, it just continues to fall. and you're praying you don't die at the top bc when the tower rocks in the wind it feels like it is just going to lean right over and keep falling. never. again.

stuck in cali traffic. we went to 6 flags! one of my happy places!

bestie from childhood and her perfectly adorable miracle babe

this is me. i like me.

huntington beach street fair with ma boo

week of surgery, 3 weeks after, 10 weeks after, 15 weeks after surgery

same place, same girl, one year later

Free Willy!

Guess what? I have normal braces again!! Who knew I would be so excited for braces haha. I've only had them half my life. But I've had those bulky acrylic (plastic, wax looking) things on both sides of my teeth for three months. Their purpose was to hold together my jaw where Dr Arnett cut it into three segments, so I guess they were pretty necessary. I guess I kinda needed something strong to hold the pieces together while they heal right?

Anyway they are finally gone! And I finally have one regular consistent wire all the way across my top teeth. To me, my braces look slim and neat now. Neat like clean, not like cool, cause if it were up to me, these braces would be off! But that is still awhile coming so don't get hasty. Dr says the braces need to be on for at least a year after surgery. Boo. But whatever! I have a jaw.. a chin.. a proportioned face! And FOREVER GRATEFUL I will be!! I still thank The Lord in my nightly prayers that my condition was fixable, that I was blessed with such good healing and that the results turned out amazing and very pleasing to me and my family. (Don't get me wrong, it was still AWFUL AWFUL, and you'll have to knock me over the head and drag me feet first into the hospital to ever go through anything like that again). With that being said.. let's see how birthing my babies goes! haha, heaven help me.

On a side note, feeling is still continuing to sneak its way back. However, the day I got my acrylic wraps off, was one of my more painful days and night. I was up constantly that night because my teeth hurt so bad! Earlier that night I went out with my good friend Kelli Royal. We were eating at cheesecake factory and just talking and eating our super soft (super delicious) cheesecake was killing me! Up until this point my teeth have been almost completely numb still. I guess because of all the pushing and prodding on my teeth earlier that day, it made them super sore.. and I could feel it!

Right now, at this point in the healing stage, the majority of the inside of my mouth is numb. I can feel my tongue and almost all of the roof of my mouth. I can taste food probably 80-90%. I can tell that the roof of my mouth is not fully back to normal and once it is I will be able to taste 100% again. I kind of eat like a cow. I am on soft chew diet (which is a.ma.zing!) but I kind of just gnaw on my food and mush it around in my mouth then swallow somewhat whole. The food gets broken up but not chewed up. It's still a very weird sensation to chew and I haven't quite mastered that yet. 

My teeth are starting to feel sensitivities. When I drink something cold, a few teeth will hurt. When certain teeth hit against another tooth, I feel it zing all along the nerve.

My gums =  still numb. Probably the most out of everything. I sometimes have to be careful when I am trying to pick food out of my mouth without a mirror. My gums feel soft like the food, so I'll try picking it. Since I can't feel it I don't know that I am picking my gums, not food. Hah. Thank goodness I haven't done any damage to myself. 

Food getting stuck in my teeth is another story. My tongue cant stretch like it used to so I cant get everything out of my braces. And when I try, it hurts. I'll be brushing me teeth at night and get whole noodles and pieces of food that come out. It's a real treat!

My mouth is still extremely tight and stiff. Talking is not back to normal yet, nor smiling, laughing, facial expressions etc. It's normal enough (I think? I can't see myself when I talk so I don't know what it looks like) But I can feel it and it's stiff and so not normal. That will take time. Much time, prob closer to the year mark. Full recovery is one year. So I'm assuming it just looks like I am a lazy talker and don't use my lips or mouth to annunciate words. It's quite funny actually.. I see the way people look at me when I talk to them- Strangers that is. Those who don't know I just had reconstructive jaw surgery. Like when I'm talking to a cashier at a store. And they sometimes have to say "what?" because they didn't quite understand me. It's funny the way they look at me- their face says things like "Use your mouth when you talk!" hahaha.

So these days I eat things like:

eggs

potatoes

pasta pasta pasta!

soft meats like shredded pork (I've been living off Casa Salza sweet pork enchilada- THE.BEST.THING.CREATED.IN.THE.HISTORY.OF.EVER)

beans

rice

burritos

breads

basically all the fatty starches!

I know I know what you're thinking- "she needs those fat foods!" "she needs to fatten up!"

Please stop thinking that. No one needs to fatten up! Not even skinny girls. Perhaps they need more "meat on their bones" but that can consist of muscle and the healthy 'fats'. I am built small, always have been, always will be. Yes I did lose a lot of weight due to my 10 week liquid diet, but YES I HAVE been putting it back on now that I am eating normal food again. I am trying to build muscle not fat- because who wants to be flabby?! Uh, no one, that's who. Yes, I know I am small, I am grateful for that, but it wasn't a problem before surgery and I am only a couple pounds lighter than my pre-surgical weight. So all's well that ends well!! And p.s.- I've never been a clean healthy eater, I love my junk food. I have been a lot better since I got married (thanks to my sweet hubs Tyson) so I try to eat somewhat healthy for my body but I still love me some cupcakes and brownies.. It's all about moderation my friends! Sometimes I'm not so good at moderation though- but hey, we all make mistakes and I'll be forever working on that! :)

I have been able to work out lightly, and run a little bit for the past 3 weeks. It's been nice to feel the burn again! But holy hannah- IT. IS. HARD.

Sheesh. I had NO CLUE how much major surgery takes out of your body. Add that to not being able to work out for 3 months and you lose a ton of your stamina and muscles. It's like I haven't worked out a day in my life. It's like I haven't even climbed stairs in my life. It feels like I'm 500 pounds and trying to run an 8 minute mile. Talk about impossible! It's a work in progress. And I can not wait until I have the money and endurance to get back into cross fit. That is my absolute favorite thing. BEST way to work out. EVER. Hands down. You see results the quickest and its just an all around great work out for any body type. In the meantime, I have been doing the brazilian butt lift. It's a good one! I'm workin' on no saggy bums here! And toned thighs. I love the look of toned thighs so thats my goal. If you want a great home work out, check my pinterest board labeled 'someday'. There is a brazilian butt work out I pinned. It's basically a side picture of a naked toned bum, cant miss it! It's a killer I tell ya. :)

Here are some pictures of my life in the last few weeks!

celebrating our anniversary- 5 years! We're old

thought it'd be fun to throw in an oldy. this is about 2 years ago

sides before and after (sorry for bad quality)

through the process. day before surgery. week of surgery. 1.5-2 months after surgery

watching fireworks

totally normal

new babe born into the fam! "rock on" she says

babysitting the littles

another great creation. cake made into cupcakes!

no more acrylic wraps!

rodeo-ing

Ty got to hik the Uintahs.. Teeka missed him

loves on our way to vegas (I have lips now..good ones!) :)

some more littles. making strawberry jam, swimming, reading

Ma girl Kelli!

Until we meet again!

Peace and love.